When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
