jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
