Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
