Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
