The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
