Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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