Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
