the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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