bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
