Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
