im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
