can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
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