So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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