I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
