Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
