I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
