god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
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If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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