I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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