question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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