Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
