You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
