Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.