Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.