it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.