You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome