Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.