The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
