okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
