I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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