Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
