I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
