Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
