Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize