I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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