Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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