If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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