i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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