No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
