He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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