the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
