she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
