my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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