there's paper in my vomit.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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