Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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