sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
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She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
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I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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