addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
