I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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