i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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