why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
