Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
