If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
