I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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