i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
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He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
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Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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