i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
