i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
