There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
