so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
