hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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