I can't watch pbs sober anymore
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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