I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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