hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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