I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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