I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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