After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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