She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
