Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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