areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
